so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
