I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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