I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
