I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
May the power of my ass compel you!!
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
