You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
