hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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