I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
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I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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