Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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