I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
