Plan B is the new Plan A
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
