Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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