No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
We need a shit load of segways right now
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
