So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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