I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
