I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
