we have pet lesbian snakes
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
