I've blown a few things in my day
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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