yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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