like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Randomize
