the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
