Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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