wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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