I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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