So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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