is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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