i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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