You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
