If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
