well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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