How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
