She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
No I am not eating basil off your cock
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
