good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
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I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
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You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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