apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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