Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You made out with two different species that night
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
