so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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