She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize