He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
My first STD was from a foam party
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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