T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Is it penis luge time yet?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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