Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
