the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
