Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
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