don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
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I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
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I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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