they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
