I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize