I accidentally had phone sex last night
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I need to calm my uterus...
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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