I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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