I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
