I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
