His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
