i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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