New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize
