AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
