I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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