): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
