UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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