I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
