Who wears a wallet chain?!
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
