peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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