in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
