she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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