She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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